Mindset

How to choose your perspective.

From my extensive research into all things esoteric and scientific, I have concluded like many others, that it is imperative that we seek to change our interior landscape before expecting any triumphant changes in our material world. We have heard many times before that it all starts with self-love. But this concept had not properly penetrated my psyche until I observed it to be a very practical approach to my own growth and success. I realized that if I loved myself unconditionally I was able to support and accept myself no matter what comes my way in life, I could work to let go of things that were having a negative impact on me, I would be less afraid to take risks and constantly seek to push myself beyond my own perceived boundaries. It is still a work in progress, make no mistake, but an awareness of the importance of all these things I do have. And the reason I am so convinced of this approach is because I discovered that if I am there for myself compassionately, without judgement and with full acceptance, just like the unconditional love of a parent to their child, I have a strong foundation to move through the world from. I have got my own back.

This is an act of learning how to self-parent and self-soothe. Which is something that I believe we are all in desperate need of.

Shall we take another example, say the experience of an artist or businessperson. Every day they must go out into the world and convince the public that their creation is something of value. Now if they did not believe in their core that they were good enough, that they wouldn’t put themselves out there in the first place, and even if they were sporadically offered an opportunity if they didn’t love themselves, they might unconsciously self-sabotage the situation before it materialized. This self-sabotage can come from some need to control their fear of failure or not being good enough. Therefore their inner beliefs become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course, there are situations where individuals are in an unfair position and it may be their gender, race or age that is being used against them, but for the most of the time this cycle of self-sabotage and self-limitation is by our own causation.

Yet our desires to put ourselves down can be so subtle that it requires our constant awareness to keep them at bay, and at the same time it is from our own awakened choices and actions that we can choose, on a daily basis, to break them. To break ourselves free from our own chains.

Now, when it comes to believing our worthiness, it also means that our ability to hold true to our sovereignty no matter what happens is imperative. This may take a great deal of reprogramming of the mind; as we are brainwashed to believe that we are not enough as we are via the media, in school, and even our families. Every else gets a payoff from us believing them, the media makes money out of us, so does the fashion industry, cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, leisure and hospitality. Much of the schooling structure is based upon pass or fail, conforming to a rigid and non-inclusive way of learning and an outdated curriculum. If we don’t fit in with their particular expectations and we do not make the grade, our lives and how we see our place within society has long-lasting affect, and sometimes to our detriment. Then, we have our family who have created ideas of who they think we should be, mostly based on their own feelings of unworthiness and societal pressures. It’s a profound experience and quite surprising when I realize that whilst I have done so much work on myself, I still have a strong urge to revert back to a child when I am surrounded by my family, and the same triggers present themselves time and time again. And whilst our family’s intentions may come with more naivety and love than those within the various industries and schooling structures, they still effect how we view ourselves and keep us attached to a type of worth which is based on external successes and acceptance. We need to look a certain way, behave in a certain way, progress in a certain and even love in a certain way in order to be enough and recognized by the tribe. It is natural to want to be part of the tribe as that gave us the best possibility of survival in the wild. However, I believe that at the same time is it essential that we strengthen and maintain our connection to our inner selves, the self which has no relation to our relationships, job success, material possessions or looks, and this has to be a daily practice. And from this connection to this inner self we can perhaps look onto to all the conditioning’s and expectations with a little more mirth and a few more questions.

Perhaps we may choose to engage with them still, but this will be by choice and with full awareness that we are still and always will be whole and radiant.

Another example of how our internal world, such as our self-beliefs, effects our reality can be demonstrated is in the world of fitness. Many sports psychologists have proven that the mind plays a major role in the outcome of an athlete’s performance. I also have seen this many times when working with clients 1-2-1. A great example of this is when I am working on a balancing exercise with a client and they are struggling with it, however when I ask them to visualize themselves balancing then suddenly the struggle is there no more and they complete the exercise with great ease, and I have seen this happen time and time again. It is such a delight to watch. It is important that we get, on the deepest level, how powerful our minds are in the direction of our life and how we move through it. With this understanding, we will be called to be particular about directing our focus towards self-love and empowerment, and away from negative self-talk and destruction. Because it is just not necessary or helpful.

So, we have to ask ourselves what pay off we are getting from staying attached to our negative thoughts.

One of the most powerful outcomes of meditation, in whatever form that is, is that it creates the space between us and our thoughts. The most important effect of this is to realize that we are not our thoughts. We can choose what thoughts to believe and what not to believe. Do we get that? As we leave behind the patriarchy, it is time for us to leave behind the need to judge all the time, other people and ourselves. Prejudice creates drama, and we have not got time for that as we have so many more important things to share and be a part of in this beautiful world. And another part of meditation is to be in a space where we can observe what is working or not working for us, and then make a sovereign choice to let some of that garbage go.

Meditation is used as an access point to the inner self. Amongst the chaos of life, meditation brings us into our center, closer to the neutral and stable inner being. And so what meditation really mean is awareness, to be present and aware of the experience in the present moment from the perspective of the inner neutral self. The mind keeps trying to pull us into a cycle of thoughts from the past (shoulda woulda coulda) or fantasies of the future, but when we meditate, we are working to keep ourselves focused on the current reality. And in that place of presence we have the space to go deep within ourselves and experience what it feels like to just exist. It is so relaxing if we reach that state. We can just let go of it all and just be. As we experience our own existence we fall into our inner selves. Our inner self goes beyond thought and is more of a feeling or experience. We can use breath-work, chanting, yoga postures and even modern forms of exercise to bring us out of our heads and into our bodies, and from that place into the present moment and in connection with our inner self. With the right technique it is possible for everyone to access this place, I have seen it with every student I teach. And I do believe that physical techniques are the quickest route into a meditative state.

From this perspective, I draw the conclusion that meditation is not a luxury, but something that is as essential as brushing your teeth. Meditation than morphs into something that used as a tool for readjusting our experience of reality from the place of grasping and fear, to one of trust and love. It also develops within us that sense of grit, that means that we don’t crumble and use ‘rejection’ as way to prove your unworthiness, instead in the face of challenges we use it strengthen that connection to our inner core and love ourselves harder.

Do we see how relevant self-love is to our ability to receive our dreams?

If I want to be radiant and magnetic, I have to believe that I am that first. Now if we really struggle with issues of self-worth it will feel impossible to get to pop-star level. But pop-star you shall feel, just not immediately. To get from London to Paris, we have to actually take the physical journey to arrive at the destination. Therefore, you will have to commit to yourself to approve of yourself in all the ways that you usually don’t approve of yourself, on a daily basis.

EXERCISE 1

For 1 month (at least) – Write a 10 point self-gratitude list each morning. Sounds small and insignificant, however, you will be shocked at how resistant you may be to it and why that is. Now that makes it interesting to try, well it is for me at least.

My examples:

 “I did a really good job of speaking my truth today”

“I am so pleased that I took the time to connect with myself today”

“I stayed really committed to enjoying my body today”

 “I was very brave today and I put my idea forward today”.

I suggest you be very vigilant as to the exact ways that this simple practice is improving your relationship with your body, food, people, job and daily satisfaction, as this will strengthen your resolve to the practice.

EXERCISE 2.

Meditation for Self-Love

Practice this every morning and evening for 1 month.