My body was my source of pain, and now it is my greatest asset.

I could read you my diary entries and you would not believe it was the same woman who is posing in the photos. You might even think that I have no reason to ever stop loving my body. And you are right. But not because my body is the shape it is. No I should never stop loving my body because it is a sacred vessel of the divine. Hmmm...let's walk through how I got to this realisation!

As a teenage girl I starved my body. As a result of starving my body I stopped having periods. I was shutting down my body and literally making myself a child again, because I could not cope with the deep rejection I experienced about my body. Many people remarked that the light had gone out in my eyes. And it had because I had so much self-hate within me, no love was left. But, despite my disgust of it, my amazing body kept going; my heart kept beating, my lungs kept supporting my breath, and many more miraculous things kept doing their job even though I was so ungrateful about them at the time. My body unconditionally loved me. 

It has been so painful to be inside my body at many points in my life. It has felt like a prison at times. Anorexia is more than just a restricting food, it's about not feeling like you are not good enough, that you don't deserve to be seen, and a need to control something in your life when everything else is just too damn painful. These are all things I am still dealing with, except I can see them for what they are...bullshit. You know, the eating disorder is just a symptom of a deep feeling of unworthiness within this world.. .something I think many of us have embedded within us to some extent.

Dancing is my greatest passion and form of self expression. So when the constant rejection came after dance school, as I made desperate attempts to make it as a dancer, it reinforced just how awful I was. And I believed I was unworthy because I was fat. I had to deal with the humiliation of never attaining a single dance contract and believing it was because I was fat. I mean if all you think you are is your body and external achievements, it is only likely that you would make that conclusion.

MY FIRST INSIGHT...

Many years later, I was walking along a secluded beach on Gili Meno, and I received one of my first powerful insights that would lead me in the direction of my soul's truth. It came flooding into me in this phrase, "I am more than just this body". Simple as it sounds, it was pivotal in changing my perception of what it means to be inside this body on this earth. I understood that no matter what my body looked like or what I had achieved, I was enough. I am the perfect essence that has come to have an earthly experience in the vessel of my body. With this mental space, I eased up on my expectations of my body. My body was not attached to my identity, and so, it could be whatever it wanted to be without it having any effect on my worth. My very existence already makes me enough. 

MY SECOND INSIGHT...

I started to work more with energetic healing exploring Taoism and Tantra, and dedicating a lot of time to meditation. And not long after, I received another powerful insight that would show me the path to helping others to heal and rise up into their bodies. 

This time it said, "My body is a magical vessel that I can utilise to change my life". And what it means is that the superficial appearance of my body is by far just the tip of the iceberg. Within my body lies this potent energy that is connected to the flow of life, and with the help of different techniques I can use my body to tap into that which makes up the universe. Practically I can do exercises that create fire in my belly - that would build my confidence and desire to grasp new opportunities, I can meditate on opening my heart - and work on receiving more love in my life, I can manipulate my breath - to reset my nervous system. In short I can build a powerful, juicy and sacred body to support me in what ever direction in life I choose. And further, I can use my body to observe my self-limiting and self-sabotaging thoughts that are actually blocking my path forwards. HOW COOL IS THAT???

MY THIRD INSIGHT...

My most recent insight has been around the food I eat. After experiencing a period of deep depression, I was guided to do a juice cleanse. Instead of using the juice cleanse as a form losing physical weight, I was guided to use it lose energetic weight caused by negative emotions, beliefs or thought patterns. 

At the time, I realised that I had a lot of heavy vibrational energy within me, but that I could quickly and effectively use high vibrational alive food to reverse the downward spiral of depression. As I began to research the energetic benefits of eating raw fruits and vegetables, I realised that in order to feel energised and alive, I needed to consume food as closely connected to earth as possible. This has been a massive unveiling for me as I have always thought of the energy of food coming in forms of protein, carbohydrates and fats. However, now I could see that the amount of energy in the food also comes from how closely it is connected to the aliveness in the earth.

So as you can see it has been a long but profound journey so far! I am so grateful that my body has been there with me the whole time, literally holding me up and helping me to continue on the path that is most aligned with my soul. As a beautiful act of self-love I invite you to sit for a few moments and feel the sensations of living inside your body in this present moment. 

Let today be the first day that you start to harness the power of the magical vessel that you live in!!!