Vulnerability is beautiful

My most recent experience of the beauty of vulnerability has been to do with my big time anxiety around driving! I know, ridiculous! I know it may seem totally irrelevant to you, but stay with me, because I am about to show how your honesty about your imperfections are the healing balm to the hearts of those in your world. And how a seemingly small obstacles can be triggers that effect our mental health because we are too afraid to reach out.

So I hired a manual car. I then spent the next few nights with knots in stomach, too afraid to admit to those around me that I had no fucking clue if I could actually drive this car back to the airport (How had I got to 29 and got myself into this situation???) But...with persistance and meditation I managed to turn the whole situation around AND gain a massive amount of inner strength and confidence. I love myself more. I will use this a perfect example of how to turn vulnerability into your greatest gift to get to where you want to go, and in the process open the hearts of those your encounter.

Seeing it from a bigger perspective

From my experience, when I get into a downward spiral of anxiety about a situation, my world feels and becomes very small. This is caused by mind obsessing about this one thought, and then in extreme cases this is reflected in my body becoming weak and shaky - this just shows how powerfully & quickly negative thoughts can drain

During these episodes of anxiety it is as if I have blinkers on and the more I let my mind lead me down the rabbit hole, the more I feel the need to make my world smaller (stay at home, ignore the car and get someone else to drive it back to the airport), basically bury my head in the sand. Ironically, this actually moves me further away from seeing the bigger picture; which is the very thing that will help to ease the anxiety. So of course the hardest step, especially if I am feeling weak, is taking a big step backwards and disassociate myself from my anxiety inducing story to try to understand what the bigger lesson is. The reason that this feels so terrifying is that part of my identity is interwoven with that story. So I experience resistance to losing the story because I am scared of losing myself. Another place of resistance is taking responsibility for stepping up, because there is a false belief about blame and me being a bad person. Not true! Taking responsibility is actually my key to feeling stronger and empowered.

Medicine to clear obstacles

It always really helpful for me to know, and the universe often puts people in my path to remind me of this, that every challenging situation is a gift to help me grow. Nothing is meaningless. So even though my fear of driving looks like it is about driving, underneath it is a beautiful opportunity for me to learn how to ask for help, to trust my capabilities as a woman, and to comprehend the value of commitment and practice. Sure I can read about these lessons in a book, but until I actually HAVE the experience myself, I will never really KNOW them.

So I could run away from the car situation (and that would be fine because sometimes we are not ready to move forward), however there is no running away from growth, and so another situation to trigger me will present itself again. I can choose to face it now or later. I had time so I chose to get on with it and face it!

What is stopping us from reaching out?

I realised recently that one of my biggest barriers to moving forward, is my resistance to admitting my ‘weaknesses’ and asking for help. I am scared to appear less loveable, professional or valueable if actually tell what is really going on with me. However, a few amazing things happened once I actually opened up about my anxieties and asked for help. Firstly, I found out that they are other people that get worried about driving, or did at one time, it isn’t just me being stupid! Secondly, I actually gained the practical advice I needed to be a better driver, which helped to calm my fears and armed me with knowledge to ensure I knew what I was doing. Thirdly, the very people that I was scared to admit my worries about driving to, were the ones that were actually keen to come through to help me, this resulted in a deepening of our connection.

Our vunerability is the key to each other’s hearts.

We think that we have to put on a pretence and that people will see less value in us if we admit our fears. However, there are moments, when you are have tears streaming down your face, you have run out of money, you don’t have a fucking clue of how to move forward, where you are forced to be vulnerable. And although it seems like the worst thing in the world, I always find it to doorway towards feeling connected to humanity. Because when I finally open up to the humans around me and show them all of myself, they let me see all of themselves too. And they look so beautiful. They soften and open, because I have. If we allow ourselves to be seen in all our humanly glory, we create a deeper and more fulfilling connections with those around us. And that is why love should be our answer, question and intention.

Are you taking yourself seriously?

One of the things that I have realised recently is that I haven’t been taking my life seriously. I have been comparing my interaction with life to that of those around me, and as a result concluding that I am an unsuccessful human being, ahem, driving a car situation. The problem with this is that I am blinding myself to all of the opportunities that have been beautifully laid out in front of me, that are so tailor made to match my individual expansion. When I am comparing myself to others, I am betraying my truth, decreasing my power, and increasing my anxiety. My power lies in my integrity to my path and being the shepherd, not the sheep. Living in my truth is the only way to show other people how to live in theirs. This recent episode has been such a gift to create real connections to the wonderful human beings here in Ibiza (something I have been craving for agesss), it has shown me the beauty of my vulnerability (a quality needed to create transformational retreats & 1-2-1s), and it has given me the words to write this piece.

I hope this article gives you the courage to ask for help and see the beauty in your vulnerability.

You are enough.

Open your heart all of YOU.